e-bitchn' on #childnotbride

The internet is a revolutionary tool. No, scratch that. The internet is revolution- perhaps; you should scratch that too and any other attempt at describing the internet.

 It is ever evolving; to attempt to describe its impact in definite terms is to do it crippling injustice. Best we just gratuitously employ it- and quietly too.

But the internet can be questioned, its reach as many other aspects of its being can be argued upon. Suffice to say it is massive potential, one that can be applied for and against the advancement of man.

Here, I intend to concern you with just how the internet ‘’advances’’ man. The internet as we know it today is technology that is very young. It is the product of centuries of humanity’s accumulated intelligence. It offers us certain advantages but, certainly not the type of advantages that are entirely exceptional when singled out for scrutiny. However, the internet has changed a lot of things. It has reformed the way we work, interact with one another, direct the flow of ideas, and organize folks and movements around the globe. However the scale of its influence is grossly underrated and in some cases; out rightly dismissed.

Along with the change the internet has advanced, it has also introduced its own lexicon: e-commerce, e-government, e-mail and a plethora of other ‘e’s. And here is the catch; we add the e-prefix to convey the internet/online variant of an already existing idea-word-thing-practice. It does not necessarily create a new entity, it merely restructures the entity with internet attributes-namely; speed, transparency, etcetera.

             @KathleenNdongmo; there is a difference between an active citizen and a passive citizen, irrespective of the fact that we are all citizens. Now pick your corner.

There are people who are always going to be content with the status-quo. This is not because the said status-quo is a favorable one. Instead, it is because they are all too willing to settle for less, seeking to eke out a negotiated existence on the fringes of cowardice. Sometimes, it’s just narcissism. An obsession with one’s self so advanced that one becomes oblivious to the inequalities of society simply because our ‘negotiated existence’ provides some temporal relief from some these hardships. Life being the complexity that it is full of these ‘harsh realities’ and in some cases, we accept whatever inconvenience life/society gives because we do not know how else to confront them. We are weak and down trodden. We cannot fight; we need heroes, champions, and people more ‘active’ in pursuit of better living conditions than we are. We need an activist.

Activism has existed ever since man realised he could attempt to change whatever misfortune that befalls him. Activism has been around for a very long time and justifiably so. The world’s collective history is one continuous active march. To be active is to do. To do is to do. Do something,- not particularly one specific or agreed thing but ‘something’. Thus there is activism in raising objection to a particular notion as there is to pursuing a favourable one. Preferentially patronizing a particular business is activism just as boycotting another is activism. Street marches are expressions of activism, sit-ins also. Occupy Nigeria movement-remember that?-yeah, that is activism. So also is writing a letter to your government.

         Whoever amongst you sees anything objectionable, let him change it with his hands, if he is not able, then with his tongue, and if he is not able to do so, then with his heart, and the latter is the weakest of faith.  Muhammad, SAW. (Reported by Muslim).

Fortunately for activism, the internet (that phenom that defies apt description) has come to its aid. Or has it?

Internet activism, A.K.A digital activism, digital complaining, e-bitchn’, online activism, is the use of electronic media tools such as YouTube, Twitter, Face book, Podcast etcetera, etcetera, to enable faster communication by citizens, organize movements and engineer the delivery of information to a large audience.

The opposing views posed by critics of internet activism are realistic ones regardless of how helpful or revolutionary the internet actually is. They (these views) highlight the paradox that is the internet itself:

Demographics;  Digital divide, literacy level. Not everyone can use the net. The impact of its reach in this case is limited. Similarly, not everyone can afford the internet.

Echo Chamber effect, Cyber balkanization ; reducing issues to debate topics where contributions  become merely for ego aggrandizement consequently leading to fragmentation and further polarization as opposed to increased mutual understanding of the topic. Also, there is the risk of information overload and questions concerning the source of information and the motives of the source that posts the information. To educate or gravitate? Anyone can get online and misinform, even an autocratic government.

Offline action; its hard to be able to gauge just how effective the internet is at generating a coordinated offline response. Just because people click or read blogs does not necessarily mean that they are willing  to go out on the streets to act it out.

@Atomlim; we should be a team complementing one another. This u r not doing anything talk is BS jor.

The argument about the effectiveness of internet activism is not limited to the above reasons only. I only mention them because they serve as the basis for the most potent criticism of internet activism in Nigeria. But to be fair, how has internet activism fared in Nigeria?

It’s a tricky question to answer accurately, but a clearer picture emerges when you remove internet activism in Nigeria and then try to judge the impacts of recent movements. Would #OJB have been so successful without internet activism?  Same can be said of #OccupyNigeria. Looking outside these shores we have the ongoing Arab spring revolution. Would these movements have the impact that they possess without the internet?

The internet is a massive ongoing experimentation; so also, its impact cannot be said of in a fixated manner. It is dynamic; changing according to the cause it is applied to and with varying degrees of success. What cannot be disputed however is the speed of dissemination of data. This is its ultimate triumph.

As the Nigerian government employed strong arm tactics in the wake of the fuel subsidy protests, it tried to misinform Nigerians about certain aspects of the fuel subsidy programme. It was a ploy that most likely would have worked well for it if not for an active internet presence that acted promptly to educate Nigerians on the true nature of things. Internet activism helped coordinate and maintain a massive protest that had the government deadlocked for days. Until of course a treacherous offline labor leadership sold out.

So yes, internet activism is informing Nigerians, “doing something”, and empowering people by information dissemination at least. But it is a work in progress. Recently, there have been anguished cries over #childnotbride. A menace that the Nigerian media, both private and government owned, has refused to educate people on. (It eternally fails to do so)

Led on by that randy rascal in the senate, Sen. Yerima seeks to manipulate a clause in the constitution to allow him and his likes to sexually abuse underage females under the pretext of enjoying his “religious entitlements”. A matter that has on social media provoked, passionate discussions, with some in support of the senator. Ignoring the fact that the child in question is only recently 16yrs and him, having ravaged her for the past 3yrs. (He contracted the marriage when she was only 13yrs old.)

There is no point in mentioning what manner of outrage this would generate in saner climes, our internet activists are doing that  just nicely. Effectively pointing out, limitations in street marches and an alarmingly impotent media.

@PUREHAIRE;   We’ll be meeting in Abuja tomorrow @ unity fountain 9am-12pm. Do your part. #childnotbride. Spread the word & force the senate to vote.

Mr. Horror's Humor.

   Here is a picture. From this upper position what do we have here? Why, there is a sharply trimmed handlebar piercing the air, curling ever so slightly, an extension protruding from the curious specimen man. Specimen Man is sitting in what appears to be a wicker basket. He has his hands folded and by the nature of the smug position he chooses to sit, he rests his full weight; basket, boots, hat and “sharply trimmed handlebar piercing the air”, anchored heavily on a head and its continuity. Specimen Man is most comfortable.

  When some Heavy things sit on other heavy things, there is a simplicity that is almost sporting. When Lighter things sit on Heavy things, generosity abounds. When a Heavy thing sits on a Lighter thing, Lighter things break and painfully so.

Lighter thing Head has a face. It is within. Lighter thing Head is female, crowned by a bond of weight to Heavy thing. This face is not some singular expression. It is a reaction to the weight she endures, her plea against this forced existence.....

When Lighter things tend to break, they do it in resistance to the continuing weight of the Heavy things, slowly resisting, resisting, overwhelmed..., overwhelmed.

Bend, bend you must! When we bend over to see the picture, suddenly realizing how silly those legs are dangling “so blasé” in midair and beneath; horror at this back so bent that it seems there must be some trickery at play. We see that Woman does not stand straight. Woman stands ‘bent’. Woman has hands hanging limp, they clutch at nothing-static in passivity. These hands, they tempt you into thinking they share some of this dead weight but, the curvature of this spine is so severe that quiet creeps your spine. Perhaps we contemplate our existence burdened with such a deformity?

Woman, O! Stress yielded woman! Carrying such mean dead weight, bend! You must bend! Woman is a quiet face, the kind of quiet that exists between calm courage and wise resignation. Woman’s face.....show strength?

Whatever gives, Specimen Man, to sit so unperturbed upon a dignity? You of the “sharply trimmed handlebar piercing the air”, did those shaded eyes not see the contours of that body cry under your imperial weight?  I swear, the “sharply trimmed handlebar piercing the air” winks a mocking answer. It is the colonialist mock of triumph.

There is a shadow lower still. The long ears of a stupid ass, the legs “so blasé”, seen clearly in the dark. The lazy ass that would not work and caused a famine. Stupid! Stupid! Braay!!

And this ass; she, subdued, subservient, sad. Working hard as all mules, carrying deadweight that deforms. This ass, so unhappy, its dull, non-rebellious demeanour has led it to such a fate.

Both asses. One stupid to subjugate the other so.... The other, made such an ass of in broad daylight by such weight. Both asses.....

This is important?

There’s something you should know.

Nothing is real, nothing is important.

To think that there is; is to think that you are important.

You are not important.

There is no real thing that is important therefore you cannot be important.

Nor can any other thing be important.

It is here and suddenly it never was.

It never was in the first place because it is here.

What is important is not known and not felt.

Not seen and not heard.

It is here and was never here.

Not suffered not savoured.

Not anything at all.

But you don’t know this at all so you think this is important.

Or that is important.

And you are spoilt for choice and they are important.

And then they are important but those are more important.

And after a dreary bit you are exhausted but that is not important.

Or really less important...

You are drifting but isn’t that lost feeling not at all important?

Stop. Reflect. Is that important?

Wait, is this important?

Slingin' Goliath Israel.

The argument put forward by the critics of Professor Stephen Hawkins’s decision to boycott Shimon Peres’ invitation is the most regrettable excuse imaginable to come from a body of supposedly forward thinking people with any semblance of a moral conscience.

They argue that the boycott is against the spirit of open discourse which science advances. Effectively, they are saying; turn a blind eye to Israel’s wanton transgression because the issue at hand does not concern land grabbing, does not concern the systemic destruction and oppression of a nation, and does not concern Israel’s flagrant and well documented abuse of human rights. Instead, it concerns this little matter of science and its ‘lofty’ principles.

There are some who would want us to believe that there is a campaign of calumny against Israel and any criticism whether rightly or wrongly is aptly surmised in one notion; Anti-Semitism.

What they have succeeded in doing however is an attempt at redefining science, removing the toga of fairness it dons and clothing it in the bloody toga of brutality and intolerance.

There is no equality between Palestine and Israel, neither in GDP nor military prowess. To argue that there is because Palestinians shoot rockets into Israel is to be ungrateful to whatever circumstance has determined that you were not born a Palestinian. It is to not realise how fortunate you are to not have your lands stolen,your people impoverished, your opportunities at succeeding in this life minimised. Those rockets instead are the efforts of a feeble last effort resistance to a dominant military that is perhaps bettered by that of the United States only by sheer size.

It might interest you to know that the Palestinians have no effective means of redress against the transgression they currently endure. The UN forgets conveniently its mandate to protect human rights when Israel is involved. Otherwise, why is a sanction so difficult to impose on a country that has been predatory over its cousin’s fields? Palestinians in their oppressed history have been subjected to talks that have not returned any land, livelihood or dignity. Yet the world sits high, nudnik-ed by Israel into accusing these folks of a terrorist agenda or a sheer willingness to shy away from talks in favor of violence.

Science is a tool for humanity. It does not stand above human life or the principles of justice. What is science if all it does is to create bombs and guns for the oppression of people? What is science if it serves to oil the propaganda of a branding campaign?  What is science if it formulates the psychology for terror? What is science if we rather theorize and research while women and children die? If science is a mockery then we people of conscience will have none of it.

The rest of humanity may redeem itself of its nonchalance and this boycott is the means. How else do you gain the attention of a country that cannot be sanctioned by the collective power of the United Nations? That scientists across the globe can join the movement for the Academic Boycott (spearheaded by Bricup) of Israel is not to punish its academia. That is propaganda talk. It is to make that tyrant of Goliath dimensions pause and check itself.  And if science has to be involved in partisan politics to draw attention, to redress ills, to champion humanity then it is imperative it does so for any attempt at maintaining a supposedly dignified distance is akin to collaborative silence. The very idea that a boycott threatens the impartial nature of science is saying that science is without morals and utterly undignified.

We are grateful that similar views are echoed within Israel itself and even more intrigued at the high handedness its government displays towards the freedom of Israel’s Leftist academia, it is a sign that it is willing to  abuse it’s citizenry to protect what is clearly a policy that borders on institutional prejudice.

A certain D. Newman of the faculty of humanities and social sciences at Ben Gurion University warned that this academic boycott ‘’just destroys one of the very few spaces where Israelis and Palestinians actually do come together’’. I say it is better there is no space in the world where people cannot meet each other as equals in mutual respect.

Parenting, learning, worshipping corruption and other rants.

That the Nigerian state is a typical example of failed leadership is, am afraid a cliché. However true this maybe, we seem to be in a hurry to forget the dismal role played by followers; the citizenry at large. We- quite frankly, are incapable of understanding the simple fact that a good leader is a product of good followers.

 See (http://lordedwardteach.blogspot.com/2012/05/motivational-leadership.html?m=1).

 The 16th century war strategist, Nicolo Machiavelli, predicted the doom of a good man amidst bad people. I wonder what he'd have thought at the expectation of a good man arising from bad people. When we go out to elect leaders, do we do so out of selfish personal interests or for our collective good? Do we really realise the potential for change that we squander or cause? 

We live in a system where the basic unit of society-the family, is almost dysfunctional. While parents these days limit their functions to the provision of basic amenities for their children, they ignore uncelebrated, moral, values. And whether they realise it or not, emphasis is placed on grooming children into hardened criminals. By this I don’t refer only to men with arms and an intent to rob-God knows we have enough of those-but, I point out the other thieves everywhere else. From the elected crooks to the deceitful petty trader, parents groom for this nation kids, who thoroughly believe that profit is only attained by the deliberate circumvention of honesty and hard work.

Agreed there are socio-economic reasons for this malaise; with minimum wage barely able to cover school fees in a decent place of learning for the kids, provide food on the table, buy clothing.... parents are forced to look elsewhere to source for funds. Efforts at ‘‘looking elsewhere'' grinds to a halt when economic policy stifles genuine attempts at self sufficiency. It is almost as if there is a constant, gradual push from the economy into a life of crime.

No matter, we must quickly note that true character is best honed by resistance to the temptations presented by adversity and if the current landscape is any judge, most parents have serially failed this test since a little before the First republic.

 It’s not okay to ensure our kids go to places of worship, attend schools, do homework and get degrees. It really goes beyond that. How well are we raising these kids? Do we teach them to be rational, balanced people or needy, dependent, opportunists? What kinds of values are instilled into them? Do we excuse their wrongs purely on sentiments? Do we before their eyes place emphasis on the ends as opposed to the means?

Agreed it is illogical to argue that parenting is the single source of our ills. It is merely its cornerstone. A lot revolves around this unit and its direct influence on the health of the nation is understated. As if we do not realise that our society's actors are parents themselves and were once under the care of. That our inept civil service, the policeman demanding his #20 Naira bribe, the trigger happy soldier surveying the carnage at Bama, the subsidy thieves, the suicide bomber, the ritualist...cannot be divorced from that core of humanity.

 Society as we understand the notion is structured in such a manner that a sizeable amount of what we could learn from it is obvious to the truly observant. To learn the manners of a foreign culture isn’t it best to observe that society?  But in these present danger prone climes, just who do we learn proper morals from? What do we learn from observing the Nigerian society?

This is a society in which exists what can best be described as justification for a corrupt lifestyle; Economy is harsh, poverty is everywhere. Crooks will trample on your rights because the courts won’t protect them, clerics will justify the accumulation of crass wealth regardless of its source with the notion that God is a Prosperous God and most importantly, the fact that our sense of worth is tied to material acquisitions-solely to material things.

You see poverty, when inflicted upon a man is a painful experience. It puts man in a state where he is most vulnerable to temptation. This said temptation is even greater to resist when experience teaches that if you steal just enough, you can buy your freedom in any court in the land. In fact, you are rather 'unbalanced' if you refuse to 'help' yourself. This is what the Nigerian reality has taught our parents and it is one major thing they teach us. Am sure it is what is meant when thievery is rationalised...; ''I only want the best for you''.

112.5 million of us live below the poverty line. That’s an orchestra of 112.5 million voices twisted out of tune by poverty, singing a sad song.

  

The criminal indoctrination of the young Nigerian mind is further established when the child is sent along to acquire some education. Tracing his steps from pry school we see our public places of learning have become tax free trade havens. Headmasters & Mistresses in conjunction with minions divert free books allocated to schools and sell on to black markets. Teachers have low morale and in most cases, grossly unqualified for the job they hold. Where there are teachers with decent qualifications willing to teach, they are faced with unpaid salaries and underfunded classrooms.  The alternatives to government schools are pricy for most parents in the country. Some parents struggle to send wards to private schools even though there is a clear deficiency in National enforced guidelines and curriculum. Others, (read, govt. beneficiaries) pay easily from dipping into our commonwealth. Some even open such places to siphon money from 'bloated' parents and or to assure membership of some elitist facade.

   Consequently, the examinations for all national entry levels in the country are annual headlines of shame. The percentage of fraud; results obtained via illegal money exchange, the so called 'special' centers where candidates are  assured of passing grades after payment and even shockingly, the number of students who fail every year is always an indictment of the sham we call our educational system. (see Amina Idris Ebiojo's  Woes of Low Class Citizens. Daily Trust Jan 21, 2013.) Despite this and many other neon signs pointing at our progressive doom, we obstinately ship our poorly educated, ill mannered, opportunist brats off to higher institutions. There they find advanced cultures of decadence, violence, sleaze, and lecturers who teach them.  It is little wonder cultism exists at the level it does even in the face of efforts aimed at eradicating it. It’s a microcosm of the hierarchical system this country operates. The Cult and the Cultist, (a metaphor for the political party and its membership) is a higher citizen on campus; threatening fellow students, abusing the system with violence, gaining GPAs and favour alike. Compare with the corrupt politician who tramples on the rights of fellow citizens, abuses the system to win court cases and contracts with ease, and yes, our ever present pre and post election violence....! 

While its not everywhere this madness prevails, Government's policy of underfunding of Education is an unspoken decree. Minimal government presence from the tertiary to primary school levels results in public schools lacking basic amenities such as running water, first aid, and classrooms with roofs over them. Laboratories in most if not all federal and state universities are ill-equipped. The old poorly maintained ones probably won’t run because power failure is rampant nationwide. Hence research, that enlightening adventure has become merely a dull, vain, theoretical experience.

The fact is that most of our students in fields say; Engineering probably spends five years pouring over books with outdated lectures and minimum practical or pays for grades if he were so inclined, for a degree to which he contributes nothing to neither its science or, practices with any hint of competence.

   When we begin to give serious thought to just how much damage the average, supposedly educated Nigerian youth is exposed to, we see why bad leadership is the norm. Understand that bad leadership becomes a natural progression.  Thus the young Nigerian, psychologically scarred by his life experience thus far is mentally unhinged. His priorities are misplaced, more likely there is a complete absence of any.  He cannot find any sense of achievement in any other endeavor but in the accumulation of material things. Amongst the many reasons for this is the need to compensate for a lifetime of lack. This he sets out to remedy regardless of the means he employs. The tragedy however is that this perceived 'lack' is a mental malaise and no amount of material accumulation can cure this illness.  

   There exists a plethora of ways to abuse the system eternally without fail. We have cultured corruption and hence our general, almost religious observance of it. It is the only way to move 'forward', to be relevant, to survive, and, holding any objection towards corrupt enrichment is a sign of weakness or a laughable holier-than-thou disposition.

   In chronicling our ever fluid corruption, the Reader will permit me a moment to narrate an experience (related to me by a friend) in which a young lady, a victim of an auto-accident needed prompt medical attention. You could imagine his dismay when a trader accosted him over the bag of sachet water used in reviving the young lady and even then; at a cost price of #20 per sachet! This absurdity did not end there as the bike man that conveyed them to the hospital was quick at cashing in too; charging over #600 for a fare that normally would go around #200. All this because, of the peculiar circumstance and our genetic disposition to profiteering. And this scenario is by no means a one off event, why then should any rational person expect good leadership in Nigeria when the humble lot is fast becoming extinct? Why should the state provide free healthcare as due when the people themselves begin to commercialise the barest sympathetic gesture?  Is there any choice then for any resident Nigerian but utter irredeemable corruption? Isnt it the only way his survival and that of his family can be assured?

What was that Darwin said about the survival of the fittest....? Make no mistake about it, 'survival' as understood by Nigerians in this context has never been and will never be judged by morality.

  We have millions of Christian and Muslim worshippers but the impact of religion on our young Nigerian's morality is questionable. Perhaps it serves as a reprieve for the fully developed kleptomaniac tendencies in our Nigerian's conscience? Or the most trusted weapon in the politician's Divide and Rule armory. Look and listen all around you, there is the blare of the Muezzin's voice over the speakers and two or three Churches on almost every street. The ever increasing number of the places of worship all around the country should give to an epiphany of sorts, right? 

Churches are built with stolen funds and Muslim clerics politicize sermons to favour certain patronages. All this time, fundamentals such as honesty and truthfulness are barred to the soul. One wanders in

a maze of get-rich-quick gospel and inflammatory 'jihadist' propaganda. It’s alright to NOT ask where that money comes from as long as Mr. B, an elder of the church, a Civil servant and a ''Big Man'' pays his tithes and then what else. Clerics will bless a man-anoint him even, regardless of the fact that this man steals his country blind.

 Religion as implied in its practice here is simply a tool to control the masses a s a single unit unit and as the most effective cutter to tear it apart.

I remember a book I once read asking; ''Will a man rob God?''  Welcome to Nigeria...

How does any parent who has looted Billions from the nation expect the child not to do more? And how do we collectively bemoan the excesses of our leaders when we do not appropriately punish the few guilty ones we find?  At what point do we realize that it is not okay to blame the leaders we have for the mess we are in when we encourage our children to pay bribes for certificates?

How do we teach them to be upright when we resent passionately, our current status(...and perhaps rightly so), all the while scheming on how best to exploit the system without any attempt at improving ourselves and that system?

 Ask any person you see on streets-parents, youths- what they would do for the country if they happened to become President, Senator, Governor, Local Govt Chairman, Councilor and the answer is almost always the same;

''I go tiff money na, who noh like money? I go tiff my own sef but atleast I go try do good ting pass all dis pipuh dem...''

We cannot continue to blame leadership 100% anymore as if they are some external, separate entity instead of threads of the Nigerian fabric of corruption that we also all belong to. The solution has always been with us but we pretend to not see it because living with cowardice is easier than dying a hero. A revolution of sorts will come in our favour but we have no right to expect one as we are most unworthy of it. That’s why our leadership is what it is...  Do we forget after all that their presence is a function of our concern or the lack of it?

Gbagaun.

Gbagaun: Origin: Yoruba: Colloquial to denote the sound made by a ringing bell.

Implied Meaning/ Usage: Error in one’s grammatical composition; written or otherwise.

It is with mixed emotions that I find myself contributing to what is at best Nigeria’s most popular hash tag on social media. There is no actual proof of its time of coinage, suffice to say that it has been in use since my primary school days in the 90’s way before its appearance on cyberspace. That and words such as ‘’Tabon’’/‘’Yi bon’’ (to shoot a gun), Gbosa (a loud cacophonic sound) would fly mischievously from student to erring school teacher or mate. Am sure these words were chosen to reflect the explosive nature of a shocking grammatical error. A gbagaun is that quiet explosion when, say, your mate embarrasses you with that poorly constructed sentence in public. You hear the English Language misapplied-murdered, shot down, and thus we would playfully point out such mistakes with screams of Gbagaun, gbosa, tabon-all to the chagrin of the offender.

Given that English isn’t our native tongue an artificial social strata arises consisting of those with a better command of the language pontificating over those with poorer grammar skills. It was usually the timid nerd’s way of soliciting recompense from the fumbling bully. The smarty’s way of deriving pleasure in a physical world he did not exactly fit.

Learning from that age however, you’d find no one exactly immune from the gbagaun scourge. A screamer would become the victim the very next minute. It was crazy fun, we’d giggle silly and recount the exact grammatical impropriety over and over. That was primary school, I thought it was done with then but that is not even close. It has instead waxed stronger.

Over time its usage changed as these things are wont to the point where the idea of a gbagaun has morphed into cyberspace. When exactly this happened is also hard to determine. The earliest recorded is sometime in 2010 according to Google. I bet some poor soul with more data bytes than knowledge of tenses probably triggered it, typing murderously what he thought was proper English to the irritation of some internet Soyinka.

On twitter specifically, the hash tag #gbagaun is recognisable as a source of popular discourse and as a humorous national sport. It has spawned various handles, cheeky songs, t-shirt captions and some would even argue; a sub-culture of its own! It was this line of argument that got me involved in researching this trend.

Earlier I said I contribute to this hash tag with certain reservations and my reasons are simple Gbagauns are fads and fads are usually irrational, self defeatist, have a short lifespan and reflect an underside of society that shows just how lacking in individuality we are.

But the gbagaun isn’t like any fad, for one: it doesn’t have a short lifespan. It has been around for the past 10-15yrs, online for 3yrs and doesn’t seem to be slowing down to a halt. Instead, it has become an online identity synonymous with the Nigerian internet user as is an IP address from this part of the West African coast.

I therefore took it upon myself to chat up one of its finest disciples: @gbagaundetector this fellow has over 51k followers.  A cult based on his RTs of grammatical errors.  A scroll through his favourites is a journey through humour land.

He seems to me to be a shy fellow, rather observant too. I am quick to suspect his motives. Among the many questions I put his way, I ask him why he does this. Is he some complex driven messiah out to absolve us of our grammatical inadequacies?

‘’it’s fun really. Mischief...’’ he replies.

Well I don’t imagine you’d detect gbagauns forever, do you think people will get bored and let go? His reply is quick and unpretentious

‘’most likely’’

I have a feeling he is wrong on this and I tell him so. I leave him thinking to myself perhaps he has no idea how much resilience this hash tag has. I bet he even thinks am nuts trying to write about gbagauns in the first place. Whatever doubts maybe expressed about my sanity pales into insignificance when you realise that some folks intentionally create errors just to have them ‘’gbagauned’’ and then trend.  

Fortunately for us all however, Goodluck’s Dame is not on twitter. Her famous; ‘’my husband and Namadi are a good people’’ would have shut twitter down am sure. I cannot honestly imagine the Dame with a twitter account, dear Lord no!!

GbaGaunDeteCtor.com @GbaGaunDeteCtor

Huh?RT @WoleBlaze: Sup wif MTN just deduction my credit for no reason."

GbaGaunDeteCtor.com @GbaGaunDeteCtor

#GBAGAUNorNOT "@TheSlut_uWant: Some people don't just known when to stops"

 

GbaGaunDeteCtor.com @GbaGaunDeteCtor

Capital #Gbagaun RT @_MajorX:"WHY DO PEOPLE HAS TO KILL ANIMALS

GbaGaunDeteCtor.com @GbaGaunDeteCtor

This gbagaun cant make anybody succeed "@iridiuminter: You think you are too young to succeeded?... "

GbaGaunDeteCtor.com @GbaGaunDeteCtor

Good Morning... "@Questionnier: That people that never Goes to church? #TGIS#QnA"

Little things. part 1

Its interesting just how much of the little things we just don’t care about. i have never been one to trip myself over petty info but I wonder just how much life would have changed if I had paid a little more attention to that dip in smile, the hint of a frown and, many other such nuances. Its not a lecture in reading facial expressions, it goes beyond smiles and dimples when we have to elect a guide over 150 million people. But then, it is the little things....

I have never met any Nigerian leader beyond the brief sighting of the IBB in my childhood and that does us no good here. i have-like most Nigerians, watched with interest the changing faces that occupy the positions of leadership in our lives. I read about them, watch them on TV, listen to them over the radio and rather unmistakably, come to deduce a bit of the character behind what they portray. Obj might have wanted a third term, is undeniably vindictive, accused to bedding his son's wife but we cant deny him a bit of rustic flavor. Coupled with the title ‘Baba’, the image of the Egusi and pounded yam eating father is crystallized in the nation's consciousness. its the little things....

as the nation searched for a suitable candidate for the office of the president in 2011, there was little doubt in my mind who exactly would be deemed suitable by the electorate. it wasnt really a free and fair contest between the stoic faced general and the fedora wearing fisherman’s son. Aside the power of the incumbency (and what that implies in Nigerian politics), there was a certain suavity to his style that was almost coy. The teaming mass of Nigerian voters, sufficiently discouraged by the media assassination of General Buhari could not believe that the candidate they would vote for could actually relate to them via the internet. Suddenly the argument became, new against old. Buhari seemingly represented a part of the Nigerian history they were all too willing to put a lid on. Buhari didn’t own no Facebook account, he campaigned the old fashioned way, comes from the north and has a media imposed reputation of being an Islamic fanatic.   Nigerians felt they had seen enough of such righteous politicians, Nobel laureate, Soyinka brought back ghosts of executed suspected drug dealers, elections were rigged on both sides and finally a Facebook president was elected.

Months later, President Goodluck Ebele Jonathan is no longer a darling of the sympathetic media, he presides over a phase of the Nigerian continuum that is make, or break to our continued existence. He is probably the most incompetent person ever to assume the mantle of leadership in any self respecting nation. He is famous for condemning terror attacks with liquor induced boldness, he has unleashed the Dame as the very antithesis of Soyinka’s literary prowess and as I write this, he is probably the last duly elected president we may have as a united Nigeria if he does not fix this BH madness. Yes dear friends, the situation is really that terrible.

But how did we get to this place? Surely for someone who displays this level of gross incompetence there should have been warning signs, great Neon lights pointing at his hat saying; Incompetent!!! There were, we just did not care to see them. Why? Cause, Nigerians vote along ethnic, tribal, religious lines. And do we wonder why we are backwards?

Way back in 2006 Dame Patience was indicted by the Ribadu led EFCC as having laundered a sum a little greater than a hundred and forty million Naira (140 Million)-this allegation, made in the hallowed chambers of the Nigerian senate house by none other than the then anti-corruption czar himself. In civilized societies, the hint of an involvement with criminal activity no matter how remote is usually enough reason for a dignified resignation to make room for an unbiased investigation. No one resigned, no investigation has been conducted and the matter has in fact been swept under the rug!...one little thing…..

Nollywood: Euphemism for Crap.

Have you ever watched a Nigerian made movie? Yes? No? I advise you don’t. I can hear the screams already; ‘off with his head’!!! Support Nigeria!!!. I’d poke my tongue out at all of them. It seems to me-and I may be wrong-that the singular reason why youths watch Nigerian movies is for the sheer indecency (indecency can be appealing to some of us as we are well aware). I find it hard to believe they watch it because they find them interesting. I also don’t believe Nigerians are that dumb as to be excited by the terrible screenplay.

In 1960 the pioneers of the Nigerian movie industry (credit is rightly given to Herbert Ogunde, Ola Balogun and co.) were forced to curtail production due to high costs , absence of distribution channels and government’s lack of active partnership. The content however wasn’t lacking, production involved detailed execution, intelligent screenplay and rich cultural performances. Given that the government of those days was a whole lot more reactionary, the later establishment of government owned stations helped induce Nigeria’s first introduction to proper acting without the direct influence of the Pioneers. Nigerians were treated to the likes of Checkmate, Behind the Clouds,Cockcrow at Dawn, Mirror of the Sun, brilliant hilarious comedy such as Mind your Language, movies such as the adaptation of Chinua Achebe’s: Things Fall Apart.

The commercialization of the industry as is currently seen did not begin full blown until, Living in Bondage (1992) directed by Chris Obi Rapu. Figures as to just how many copies this particular movie sold is controversial. What is not contested however is the popularity of this particular effort. Perhaps due to the ingenious marketing strategy employed by the producers of the movie using the Onitsha, Aba markets, foreign movies began to suffer a decline in viewership. Nigerian made movies utilizing the commercial power of the eastern markets virtually started to dominate the video industry. (the writer supposedly made the film because of the large number of empty cassettes he had, easily replicated, he was able to control piracy at a time where technology for dubbing by pirates in Nigeria was minimal).

We only outlined this brief, history to understand the context of just how profitable and widely acceptable the Nigerian movie industry is today, from the exploits of a determined amateur effort to a multimillion Naira industry. But just how relevant the industry is other than a money spinning venture that provides employment is highly questionable.

Nigerians, it must be said are highly exploitative,-a defensive mechanism against the scourge of government induced poverty, the opportunity to make a quick buck, a chance to get further ahead in the unending rat race-this mentality, coupled with laziness, lack of vision, and crass mediocrity becomes the active ingredients for the rot in the sector.

Movies today mean little or nothing. It is a chance to get Ini Edo in revealing clothes, mixed with logic defying story line, poor acting, an even poorer script-and for what? The knowledge that, regardless of whatever trash you make, Nigerians, in a misguided sense of patriotism and, misplaced priorities are going to buy. It’s a formula that has never failed, seemingly never will. It is also a tragedy.

It would seem our fault to expect more really after-all, we all witnessed the adoption of the ‘’Nollywood’’ appendage and approved of it. It is a nomenclature that has sickened me not just for the fact that it mimics the American “Hollywood” but because it gives a proper noun to our abject lack of creativity. It gives a name to our sickness.

Proponents of the industry are quick to shoot growth figures at you as a response to any criticism; depending on who you talk to we are either behind Bollywood, (another sickening nomenclature) or directly behind Hollywood in yearly output. Local A-list actresses and actors earn 6-figures but unlike foreign movies we have not been able to create any societal change or introspection with our movies. The plight of the Nigerian woman is not helped by the portrayals she is given. More often than not she is pictured as morally loose, diabolical, cunning and outright mischievous. Societal ills are more or less glorified; a particular instance is when we find ritual killers (a realistic societal ill) as a matter of routine, finding salvation in Christ at the end of every movie as opposed to facing any form of justice for the crimes committed! It is almost as if producers are ignorant of the power they wield over society or are just too willing to abuse it.

As a rule, movies are windows that let you see into society first by mirroring society, hence the saying; ‘’it is just a movie, it is not real’’. However unreal it maybe, we are utterly convinced by the storyline and the portrayal of it to the point where it elicits an emotional response from us. By acting we are inspired, moved to tears, upset, happy, and tilted to reflect, that’s why we are going to remember a certain Brad Pitt and not Jim Iyke in 30 years from now.

And while we are talking about acting, are you ever convinced when you watch Nigerian actors?, hardly? Just why is that? An utter lack of professionalism runs deep in the business. I have seen Peter Edochie, Olu Jacobs, men who ordinarily have an enviable career, and are the few remaining professionals in the business, taint it with stereotyping themselves into ‘Igwe’ roles, movie after movie. I can’t be bothered counting but am sure between them, there are probably 600 or more such similar appearances. Why? Simply because it pays the bills! Actors with less impressive work catalog I assume simply play into the stereotypes they are given for this same reason. Hence, chances are you are going to play the same type of character for over a period of time or, for the rest of your life. While in Hollywood certain individuals have made the portrayal of an identity such as a villain’s, their exclusive preserve, we don’t get tired of seeing their faces because over there, there are such things as proper costumes, better acting, intelligent scripts, sets, and more importantly; no one plays a villain in 40 movies in a single year.

But it so typical of us isn’t it? A putrid lack of any maintenance culture in all aspect of our endeavors otherwise, just why are we not able to make better props? Stage better effects? A scene leading to an accident in a Nigerian movie is as uninspiring and as ridiculous as it was 15years ago. All that is done is have the camera go around in circles and have the next scene shows Tonto Dike mummified with bandages on some hospital bed somewhere! And this is an effort we supposedly export?, a digital recording of our idiocy?  It is unfortunate that for the entire money spinner the industry is, it is managed by louts who only care about undeserved celebrity status than actual content or their legacy. That’s why for all its growth, there is an unequal ratio in reinvestment, no sets are constructed for films, no special effects are done in movies, no worthy scripts are written, talented people are rather into art academia than on our screens,  and  knock-outs (local cheap fireworks)  are used to fake bullets…..

 Like most of the many things where we Nigerians prefer a foreign version to its local equivalent, we find that the Nigerian movie industry isn’t exactly any different. Sounds absurd right? after-all we only just argued that Nigerian watch a lot of home videos to foreign ones but think again, just what is Nigerian about what we watch? The only time a woman wears Ankara most often is in a scene that shows her as a villager, uncivilized and mealy-mouthed, spewing brimstone upon her drunk alcoholic husband. Is that Nigerian? it maybe a believable scenario, one that exists in contemporary Nigeria but when for a single year over hundreds of such films are made then it betrays a lack of talent in our producers or mirrors the generality of society we live in. and if it must be said as mirroring the society we live in then isn’t there something grossly wrong with that picture? the misrepresentation of an absurd singularity for the whole.

What is Nigerian about the portrayal of a society that is all too often trapped between whole scale copying of western values and the mismanagement of it’s downsides?

And then there is this issue of nudity and sex in our movies, especially those in collaboration with that equally redundant Ghanian movie industry. (At least they have the decency to avoid ‘ghannywood’.) Insiders say it’s a measure of our ‘advancement’-sophistication, if you will. I wonder what is sophisticated about a sex scene? What exactly does a sex scene tell us? That two people are play acting sex? It’s a technique that has been used by Hollywood as a marketing ploy, its not art and all that talk is for the birds. These days however its mired up in ‘art’ and any critic of it is seen as a criticism of their freedom of expression but oh well…

I hope I get some venom spewed at me for writing this so I can cough up more reasons why there is so much rot in that system and hopefully someone somewhere will wake up to correct it. Or I can just poke my tongue out at them!

Abacha and the Fourth republic.

Today makes it exactly 14years since the demise of the military ruler Gen. Sani Abacha. I refrain from using the media imposed title of ‘Dictator’ not because the General wasn’t deserving of it but because if that appendage must be applied at all, it should be applied to the entirety of leaders in Nigeria today. Abacha died in the most uncertain of circumstances, from tales of Indian call girls, to poisoned apples and international clandestine operations as stated by his C.S.O, Maj. Al-Mustapha. What was certain however was the relief and elation Nigerians felt at his demise. 

       I was a skinny little lad then, not yet a teenager, my younger brother and I were in the local neighborhood market trying to obtain school sandals when the news filtered through over the radio- what happened next was an experience that was clearly unprecedented in my mind. The market place erupted into a scene of wild jubilation and euphoria and even then it occurred to me the oddity of celebrating over the death of a fellow human being. Suddenly, there was alcohol everywhere, wild joyful screams, laughter, people locking up shops to get lost in the moment. “ Abacha ti kuu ooo.”!!! “O ti kuu da nu”!!! Rent the air, the local women turned to dancing, the burdens and the business of the day forgotten. That scene made an impression and I have never forgotten it nor do I doubt that I ever will. Sometimes I even wonder why I just happened to be listening to the radio at that stall. “…..the death of the commander in chief of…” every moment seemingly etched.

   With the passage of time my view of that scene has changed, the still clear voice over the radio, the woman whose scream after the announcement seemingly starts the pandemonium, the coloured plastic buckets behind her, the dancing characters….., all remain the same except the reason for the jubilations. While I cannot speak for them I can however deduce that the euphoria wasn’t about the demise of a fellow human being but the realization of their freedom from a reign of tyranny and the hopes for a far better future.

    Fast forward almost a decade and half later and one wonders if the celebrations had not been ill advised, a little immature perhaps. The transitional government of Gen. AbdulSalam Abubakar handed over to another General-as a sign that our democracy was just another scam-Olusegun Obasanjo to begin a chapter that holds the record for being the most putrid in our nation’s history. The Fourth-Republic for all the aspirations behind it could rightly be argued as having a greater symbolism in the life of this country than the fight for independence itself. Permit me, the fight for independence holds great value and I by no means demean the struggle of those who fought for a ‘sovereign Nigeria’ but if we hadn’t fought for it back then the British would have gotten bored eventually and handed over. It may seem a difficult argument to observe given that some say the colonialists would never have left this shores if oil had been discovered earlier but the answer simply is the current presence of Shell, BP and the others.  Colonialism as a system of government practiced as it were pre-1960 was definitely not sustainable it has simply just morphed into other forms-media, resource, technology-colonialism but, I digress.

     1960, our fight was against colonization, now our fight is against corruption. The control of our means, welfare and resources by a few, using this said resources to further pauperize the masses they govern over. It is a newer, more brutal form of colonialism and just so because it is done by us to us.

        The fourth republic shares a lot of similarities with any military government. And since we  are discussing Abacha and his place on the scale of villainy allow me to rephrase the above. This fourth republic shares a lot of similarities with Abacha’s military government. The website www.assetrecovery.org/  places the amount looted in five years to 3-5 billion USD. Estimated amount recovered is given at 2.6 Billion USD. compare with the amount misappropriated by the successive PDP led governments of the Fourth republic. Do we have an estimate of the said sums? Need we? The undeniable fact remains that corruption is corruption and the difference in scale is irrelevant as long as the people remain impoverished and uncared for. If in a single year allocation for subsidy increases from 280 billion Naira to some shady 2.6 estimate in trillions without an equivalent increase in fuel consumption, and or production cost of crude then should we not begin to honestly see the similarity between Abacha’s resource grabbing and that of misappropriations of this fourth republic….?    

Let us take this particular instance; After the fuel subsidy reduction, we find that in the first quarter of 2012 financial year, the increase in the price of PMS to 97 naira only gave the government 60b naira. At 50 %, deregulation calculations will prove that the government will be saving a mere 240 billion. Now I don’t need no calculator nor mathematician to tell me 240bn is far cry from 2.6 trillion spent in 2011, so where is the subsidy?  what really is going on? And we aren’t even quoting facts from the Farouk Lawan report they are trying so hard to discredit.

Abacha wore a uniform, and couldn’t really figure what diplomacy meant hence anyone who held a dissenting opinion got shot, imprisoned or exiled. The lucky ones quickly buckled up and adapted until his demise in 1998. Similarly, the rulers of our fourth republic don the uniform of respectability, honesty and accountability. They haven’t exactly been shy to shoot people down either: the nation watched as President Olusegun directed the flattening of Odi, Zaki...Aljazeera exposed the death squads that we call the police over the Boko Haram insurgency. (Some have argued that this is what has spawned the current spate of national terrorism.) But while Abacha’s  has been the only face we spit at for massive corruption and misappropriation, this republic has given us variety. The small names: Ibori, Alameyesigha, Bode George, Tafa Balogun, why not the EFCC corruption list of 2006/2007 ET-al.? And to the big name: Lord Obasanjo.  While the opposition has not been exiled in this fourth republic, they have suffered worse: they have been grossly ignored. Ask anyone shouting at the top of his voice what is worse than being ignored? you might as well be voiceless. It is a strategy that has been perfected in this current dispensation, one which the opposition is discredited so it's message whether right or wrong is rendered....silent.

We could list instances but that entirely goes against what this article is meant to do. Am not trying to tabulate differences here, anyone can see that CORRUPTION as personified by Abacha, is the same CORRUPTION today in the fourth republic. While the patients have simply been rotated, the disease remains the same, nay! We may add that the disease has become more resilient, deadlier.

So what exactly is this article about? Is it to absolve the long dead General his wrong doings by equating his crimes to that of our democracy? I simply try to put in perspective the Crime with which we have judged Abacha and the Crime we are letting this republic’s leaders get away with. They are both one and the same. Like the proverbial two sides of a coin, heads or tail- both meaningless to the coppery nature of the coin.

 And in assessing ourselves, we of the dancing market women, former exiles and righteously indignant media, do we not profess to a certain double standard? And by this standard are we justifiably recompensed by the strengthening of corruption in our lands? Why are we not preparing another bizarre market dance? That good feeling as we returned from exile, free from the strongman’s whims did not burn strong enough? The dizzy dance and feelings of freedom surely must have been incentive enough for us to have prepared some sort of vaccine against corruption?? It wasn’t, we didn’t.  Look where we are.  

But if we must compare for the sake of this piece we are subtly tempted to romanticize that bespectacled General, we begin to see that it was his ground work that gave birth to 13% derivation (although true credence should be given to the Martyrs of that region), who implemented policy for the mobile telephony that we currently enjoy today. A foundation that the Obasanjo’s administration hijacked and termed: “dividend of democracy”.….This same Abacha had a better idea of what foreign policy for a country such as ours should be. Alas! Do we forget just how well he chided South Africans who are too willing to forget the role Nigeria has played in her History? Few leaders since then have defended the sovereignty-whether rightly or wrongly- of Nigeria with such resolute fierceness. (Even though he was pariah of sorts to the rest of the western world. )  But the temptation to romantics we must severely resist, just as the restraint-which we currently feel in appropriately labeling this dispensation as due-we must subdue. We must all not forget that they of the fourth republic and he of the spectacles and all that they stand for are one and same. The abuse of power for personal enrichment at the detriment of those whose interests they claim to protect.

We must dance in the markets again, and to do this we need to first tell this present crop of looters that they are no different from that General, that they should derive no sense of sanctimony over him. We must tell them that they are but changing faces of the same evil, that they are one and the same, nay!! Worse than Abacha himself! For they had the example of his years of terror to educate themselves from yet, they learned only of his greed.