Often, we
mistake a thought; an idea; a circumstance- a person’s circumstance, for the
whole of it. We often do not see beyond what is before us especially when we
think so highly of our evaluation methods. We never stop to think there could
be more to a thing than the limitations of our methods allow us to perceive. An
almost odious insistence creeps in; one that supposes any other dissenting
opinion is wrong or contrived- especially, when our observations, are our only
frame of reference, in respect, to our understanding of a matter, situation or
person.
Do not forget your journey for a conversation.
You’d
imagine the way people go about insisting on notions like loyalty, humility,
transparency, arrogance or generosity even that they’d recognise such a thing
if it became personified, walked up to them and said hello. Reality is a
radical departure and we find that they do not. We are typically more concerned
with the form in which a thing is presented than the substance of which it is
made. We are obsessed with an insistence on sycophancy and will mask, perhaps
unknowingly, this insistence behind any suitably sufficient excuse.
“You are
rude”
“You are
arrogant”
“You
are....” ad nauseum
I do not
suppose it is difficult to see why things such as “Godfatherism” persists
around here, a revolting notion that a person should become subservient to
another simply because that one has been instrumental to realising the goals of
the other; effectively, subjecting one to the whims of the other. While it may
not always start off this way, it most often ends this way. It is why it is perfectly
fine that humans lay prostrate before another, grovelling as it were, as
captured in that viral video clip- the one with a minister-the other time. If
you don’t, you don’t have respect, as we say.
A bargain, any bargain, especially
psychological, is no generosity.
And this is
because there is no uniform definition to notions such as; loyalty, arrogance,
humility, decency, generosity, etc. there may exist dictionary meanings; an
attempt at a sort of objective normative standard that some philosophers argue
for, but in practice, loyalty and any other such notions are far from any
recognisable standard and are utterly subjective. They will always mean what
people want them to mean-as it suits their purposes- and you’d waste an entire
lifetime trying to satisfy them all.
“People that subject you to one
arbitrary test too many, do not want you to pass, they want to see you fail at
it once so they can say; aha! I knew it!”
In any event
it is not as if there is any firm belief behind these accusations. You have
watched them throw one misapplied notion after the other. Some you have
addressed only to find that it is quickly replaced by another equally
preposterous. You give up; the futile nature of this exchange is overwhelmingly
apparent now. This kind of cyclical meaningless dance is not your forte.
“When people insist on finding a flaw
in a thing by any means; get out of the way, wish them well, and get busy doing
other things.”
“Ungrateful..”
“Disloyal..”
You’d be
forgiven for thinking these folks made you immortal but you turned around and
consumed more than your fair share of Ambrosia, peeing on what little that is
left as you did so. Or perhaps they have been feeding and providing you shelter
all your life. You look around you in disbelief, especially at the modesty of
your surroundings and, cannot help but wonder, exasperatedly; what is wrong
with these people? You have consciously not even made one demand for yourself
and would not even know how to if you had wanted to.
“Be wary, very wary, of those that
hide in the shadow to throw stones. “
Shadowly;
those ones that hide behind the scenes, for what? To catch you at some horror?
Maybe they think you worship the devil in your spare time, or fuck goats, or
both. It certainly can’t be to catch you chasing skirts or rolling a joint. But
who know what turns on Shadowly? At this point, the division blurs and they are
mostly one and the same. No sides; they all hide in the shadows; to throw
stones.
It has to be
something and sometimes you wonder what it is. You have no one to talk to
anymore, no one to trust. Even if you did, you would not dare, for fear that
you may expose them to the discomfort you currently endure and possibly, danger
even. It gets lonely but you try to stay upbeat. You try. But soon enough, the
realisation that you need to force a sense of happiness further depresses you.
Mood swings you thought were long past you begin to resurface. The dark threatens
to overwhelm you and you now resort to higher doses of medication-self
medication, to keep going. They obviously do not realise the damage they cause,
or they do and, seek to break you down thereby.
You leave
for Zaria, that delightful old, dry, dusty place where you can be alone yet in
the company of your thoughts and books. But alas! They have a stooge there
already, one that has probably been selected to match their idea of your
psychological profile. He happens to drop little hints of what you are occupied
by. You did not quickly realise it then, only much later. Why has this escaped
you? Is it because he is likeable? You are sure you do not mind him, you just
don’t appreciate the intrusions, you don’t even care to try to find who he
reports to.
It is not
much different elsewhere. You are hesitant to work. There is a lurker in your emails.
Those devices logging in your box aren’t yours. You change passwords but they
keep coming. What do they think you have in there, a million Dollar idea? Ideas
mean nothing. They are cheap. They are everywhere. They are infinite. You’d
expect that they know this. But clearly what do they know but a mindless
insistence on control?
And social
media - social medina, hah!- is even worse. Strange fellows come hinting at
what is in your head. Are all these sailors’ kindred? You hope so. Mind, you
have never shared any of this with them so you are cautious that they pop these
things at you and expect that you lap it all up. Not fear just caution. Fear is
not a thing you understand the way other people do. Never have. Anyway, why are
they all so like-able? You remain cautious and hold back your charm. You never
know who is watching, & you could be putting an innocent in danger without
meaning to. In any event, all new friends should seek you in person but, they
do not. They remain in the shadows, you remain wary, rightfully so.
“Friendship is a burden; I do not
want to be burdened against my will nor do I wish to do same to another.”
Suddenly
distant relatives are all up in your business. You can smell them from a mile
off. You are bored now; quietly incensed at the length these shadowly go to
establish their position of strength using those
friends and those relatives. Why these
utterly silly games? Why the thinly veiled uncouth insulting references to your
social background? The assumption being
that you care for such things? Does that add any or remove anything from your
humanity? Does it add or subtract from the validity of your thoughts? Of course
it doesn’t, this is their way of establishing power dynamics. It is a strange
thing but that is no longer your concern. Do we not find that every problem
requires a hammer to the one whose only acquaintance with tools is limited to
hammers?
You want to
say to your relatives; “go away” as disgustedly as Soyinka told his jailers.
But you don’t, of course these relatives no matter how distant, are likable too. They probably are doing this because they care deeply, albeit misguidedly.
Silly power
games; games of control, they serve no purpose but to further pull you away. Even
those you’d spur romance with must attempt such a display. You’d wish that they
knew what such games meant and stopped but, we are creatures of pride and we
must assert our status. I assert, therefore I am? Just as well, perhaps this romance business is not
meant for you. You are resolved to that realization now.
“He takes from
whoever He pleases.”
“He gives to
whoever He pleases.”
“He whose roof is heaven and over
whom the stars continually rise and set in one and the same course makes the
beginnings of his affairs and his knowledge of time depend upon them.”
Al
Biruni, quoted in MA Foster’s GamePlayers.
It is
perplexing and maybe designed to annoy you; this sheer refusal to interact
directly with a thing but, to take second hand subjective information from
everything around a thing, and use this to force an interaction with a thing
and insist, when response deviates from the expected, that, a thing is not what
it is- that a thing is not true. But of course it is not true! You have refused
to interact directly with it so you do not know it and you do not know it
because you’d rather talk to others of it than to talk at once to it.
Is it psychological, an attempt to wear you
down, anything to give them some advantage against what they do not understand?
Why not seek to understand it directly? It is puzzling, amusing but often irritating. You must
not be angry at such misunderstandings however. Perception is a powerful thing and
people will see only what they want to see. Learn to walk away. .
Often, we mistake
a thought; an idea; a circumstance- a person’s circumstance, for the whole of
it. We often do not see beyond what is before us especially when we think so
highly of our evaluation methods. We never stop to think there could be more to
a thing than the limitations of our methods allow us to perceive. An almost
odious insistence creeps in; one that supposes any other dissenting opinion is
wrong or contrived- especially, when our observations, are our only frame of
reference, in respect, to our understanding of a matter, situation or person.
Now you are tired of this place you find yourself. Did they not tell you that
the world remains the way it is because it consciously
does not want to be otherwise? Those that seek to control than befriend have no
idea of the dynamics of influence. What we seek to control, we truly have no power
over. What we can accept, we have mastered.
Do not forget your journey for a conversation.
These games
disgust you and you’d rather bake in the sun than spend any minute at it you
remind yourself humorously. Some people spend the whole of their lives at this?
Perhaps the satisfaction derived is utilitarian; you are sure you want none of
it. Let these ones play at such games, the Cosmos has better games for any that
seek it.
Hark! You
must not lose sleep if you do not have this conversation; other travelers go before you; do not be tempted by this view.
Get up, fasten your sandals, sling your pouch,
wet your face and continue your journey. You are not angry, not resentful.
These are not necessary conditions and should not be.
First, you
must do no harm...
They have taught you what no one else will and
for this you are grateful. Wont you leave a token behind? So that they may
remember; that at one time, a traveler passed through.